I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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