It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
