Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize