PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
