The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
