its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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