So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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