thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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