I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
