Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
