3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
