but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize