Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
