If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
