Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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