im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
