just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
