I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
