i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
