I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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