sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
