What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
