That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Terrible idea I love it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize