The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
