Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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