You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
