While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
