that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
