I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
