At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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