Someone shit on the floor
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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