my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
