I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
