Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
