Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
