I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your cock deserves a montage
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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