I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
