Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize