Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize