It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
