i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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