2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
