All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
