i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
