did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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