I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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