I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize