I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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