you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
