I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
