First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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