That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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