I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
