I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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