It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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