Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
