you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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