We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
