my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
