I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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