im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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