She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
