I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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