I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
