is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize