Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
