Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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