I accidentally had phone sex last night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
