So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize