If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
