Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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