Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
