I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
