I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
