Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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