sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
