I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
