if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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