He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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