I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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